In this extract from her recently published book South Africa Indigenous Weddings – Culture, Customs and Traditions – author Dr Kedibone Seutloadi explores the evolution of ilobolo and other wedding practises in South African societies
Before Western-style marriages, the first key step of bonding for many indigenous Africans was the lobolo part. Lobolo is like dowry in ancient Indian customs. The difference is that with Indians, it is the family of the bride who transfers property, gifts, or money to the family of the bridegroom to have them marry their daughter and allow her to use his name. The custom is common in Indian cultures that are strongly patrilineal and that expect women to reside with or near their husbands’ families.
The lobolo tradition has existed since time immemorial and is viewed as a form of cultural heritage that does not seem likely to ever disappear from Indigenous African culture, since even the most high-profile members of society such as the former President of South Africa, Nelson Mandela, practised the custom at his old age.
Even though culture has evolved, the lobolo tradition is still by and large rigid in terms of how it is conducted. In today’s South Africa, the custom of lobolo is still widely practised with pride even though the function and significance of the practice are condemned by some, especially feminists and those who do not practice customary law.
Whatever the true function and significance of lobolo are, its tender or its negotiation is a bedrock on which customary marriage rests. In accordance with long-standing indigenous African cultural practice, lobolo is in cows because cows serve as currency in many customary social relations.
Historically, cows played an important role and were the primary source of food, wealth, and status symbols in African society. A man delivers cows to the family of his wife-to-be so that she can belong to him and together build a new family. The cows are delivered to the family home, not just to the woman’s father as an individual in private. Instead, family members and/or relatives are usually also there to receive lobolo, which probably explains why the wife belongs to the family and not just to her husband.
In most cases, lobolo also includes gifts such as a blanket, pillows, sleeping mats, brooms, knives, hats, suits, pots and many other items which may also be converted into cash. Blankets are common and have replaced the traditional sleeping skins of either goats or sheep that were given in the olden days. There is a belief that the exchange of gifts symbolises the existence of a new relationship between the two families.
Notably today, in some areas, lobolo is still in livestock or it is a combination of livestock and cash. In other areas, the talk in many modern urban families or communities is about money (cash) rather than cows as many people no longer own livestock or have land for grazing.
Nevertheless, cows in all the ethnic groups covered in this book are still symbolic and the monetary equivalent of it is now being considered as lobolo. The cash that would be given in whatever format in place of cows is still referred to as cows.
Given that historically lobolo has been in the form of cows and it is a token of honour and appreciation that unites African families, I refer in this book to ‘delivering’ or ‘transferring’ or ‘giving’ lobolo, not using economic concepts such as ‘paying’ and ‘payment’ of lobolo which represent the commercialisation of the ritual – payment implies “giving or transferring or offering money that is due for something that is bought or for compensation in return for goods” (Merriam-Webster, 2023).
No one is for sale. However, I do agree that it is a challenge to completely isolate the material or economic aspect of lobolo as it involves economic issues such as the transfer of cash, livestock, and so forth. Also, for the same reason, and to the extent it is possible, I use the phrase ‘size’ of lobolo and not ‘amount’ or ‘value’ of lobolo.
In the past, there was no set number of cows for lobolo as it was viewed purely as gratitude from the man. He would voluntarily offer what he deemed appropriate or could give in the form of gifts as an indication of his honesty and good intentions.
Generally, there was a view that, if the family of a potential bridegroom had large herds of cows, there was a higher chance of him marrying the woman he desired, as his family was regarded as wealthy and the desirability of the bride to be in some groupings was important. Traditionally, aspects such as the age of the woman, her beauty and her level of education were disregarded in most cultures or families, contrary to modern-day traditional marriages.
Historically, a poor man who had no cows may have been permitted to marry on the basis that he would transfer the cows when he had something and/or that the cows given to marry his first daughter would belong to his father-in-law. Lately, some Christians opt not to give or request lobolo for recognition or for allowing marriage.
However, where it is not given, people try to compensate the family of the bride by contributing handsomely towards the expenses of the wedding ceremony. The size of lobolo varies according to ethnic groups, customs, and regions hence it must be negotiated by both families. For most ethnic groups, the request is between 6–10 head of cows for commoners.
Generally, the size is pitched high with the expectation that the delegation of the bridegroom will negotiate it down. Recently, because cash is considered in most instances, lobolo is calculated by the number of cows multiplied by the value per cow, which ideally is not meant to be a market price of a cow. What is negotiable is the value of each cow as there is no fixed monetary rate for a cow.
In some cultures, even the rate of some cows is not negotiable. For example, traditionally, the mother of the bride’s cow request is non-negotiable. Traditionally, in most cultures such as the Swati, the man’s family or elders, in particular the maternal uncle, would assist their ‘son’ (the bridegroom) by contributing cows because marriage is viewed as a long-term bond between the families not only two individuals.
It is the maternal uncle who is expected to contribute because in most cases the lobolo that was given to his parents when his sister got married was used by him to marry his wife. The contributions made are usually a family secret which must never be known by the bride or her family.
As an aside, even though the contribution of parents and elders in the family or the brother is culturally acceptable, for various reasons, it is not the best option. For instance, when there is conflict at some stage during the marriage, the man may say after all his wife belongs to his parents, not him.
Nowadays, the trend with some couples who seek genuine marriages but are not able to because the man cannot afford lobolo, the woman ends up secretly contributing or giving the husband-to-be lobolo, which he would deliver to the woman’s family as his. Not all men would allow their wife-to-be to give him lobolo to present as his. It is against conventional practice, and it breaks the principle of lobolo.
In most cases, where it has occurred, it is a secret and in some cases, there is an undertaking to give it back. It is usually frowned upon that she has contributed. It is disrespectful and the bridegroom could be the laughingstock in his community or amongst his friends or could in future be insulted by the wife herself. It might also be viewed as a lack of respect and trust in the man’s ability to honourably do whatever it takes to meet lobolo requirements.
*About the author
Dr Kedibone Seutloadi is a Social Scientist, a Researcher, an Inclusion Facilitator, an Educator & an Entrepreneur with expertise and extensive experience in Research and Development, Leadership Competencies, Disability Advocacy, Awareness and Inclusion. She is also an author of an e-Book on Disability Sensitisation in the Workplace. She grew up in Ga-Rankuwa township, she is a Tsogo High School alumnus and is now based in Johannesburg. Amongst others, she loves social and development matters and is passionate about the Arts, our Culture and Sociological perspectives. She keeps fit and healthy by boxing, dancing, crocheting and listening to music. She is immensely grateful to God for who she is and for all those people she encountered in her journey of life.
* How to get the book
The book retails for between R350 and R397.
It is available at Exclusive Books Mall of Africa.
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